The Social Network: the kink meme!

It's Complicated: But sexy!



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Eduardo/Mark, Mark+Sean kidfic

(Anonymous)
Man, I'm sure this is the zillionth kidfic request (just my luck that there's one right above mine, hm?), but I can't not ask for this...

Okay, post dilution: Sean gets a girl pregnant, but the girl doesn't want to get an abortion. She's not going to make any trouble for Sean with the press, but she wants her kid to grow up happy. Sean breaks down in Mark's office one night about how he can't raise a kid because he knows he's a horrible person when it comes to being responsible and making good decisions, but he doesn't want her (doesn't have to be a girl, obviously, but how cute would a curly headed Facebook baby girl be?) raised by some family who could end up treating her any manner of way. Somehow they come to Sean and the girl signing over full custody to Mark, but no one knows about it but the three of them, their familes, Mark's secretary (I feel like he/she is usually considered a fanon God), and all of the various people who have been forced to sign an infinite number of non-disclosure and privacy agreements.

Years later. Baby!Zuck is still a secret, not because Mark is ashamed of her, but because he's super protective of her and loves her more than Facebook and would do anything for her. Sean is Uncle Sean, maybe the girl stayed in the picture as Auntie someoneorother, or maybe Sean has finally calmed down and met someone, whatever. There aren't any regrets in their setup and everyone is happy. Then maybe at a shareholders meeting, which Eduardo will obviously be present for the sake of fic, and Mark's secretary comes running in, totally like, "Mark, (insert kid's name here)'s babysitter just called and (insert crisis/minor crisis here)" and Mark runs out of the room and everyone is like " *______* wtf?"

I just like the idea of Sean being the actual father because he has the curly hair and blue eyes, so the baby could probably pass for Mark's kid, too. And I'd really love it if the kid isn't written as overly precocious as Michelle Tanner, because as much as I love kidfic, five year olds are usually written talking and behaving and understanding things as if they were at least ten. I'd also love it if the kid isn't totally smitten with Eduardo at first glance, and Mark is super hesitant about letting other people into her(or his) life because he doesn't want her getting used to people who may end up leaving her, or something. I don't know...excessively long prompt is excessively long, I realize.

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Re: Eduardo/Mark, Mark+Sean kidfic

(Anonymous)
Sean! I know...it seems like every prompt I write has Sean in it because I love him for some reason, and I'm actually a little obsessed with him, I think. I completely blame Justin Timberlake and the way he tries so hard to be a Serious Actor and a hipster now, but I still see him as a pre-pubescent popstar with bleached curls and ridiculous clothes. That said, I really hope you fill this, and definitely no rush :)

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FILL: here comes the sun (3a/?)

days -129 through -100

It is not a decision he makes in a day. And it’s not a decision that has any one reason or driving force. There is so much to consider, so many reasons not to do this that it’s almost insane that he comes to any decision but a flat-out no.

Mark thinks about it. He asks questions, vague sort of questions that terrify everybody he asks. The first person is his assistant, Natalie, who is sort of his personal savior, his organized sent-from-heaven brainiac that should honestly be President someday, never mind his assistant. She is the perfect combination of pushy and compassionate, hustling him into meetings almost on time but respecting his need to sometimes be the CEO who doesn’t really give a fuck about anything but making his website stay awesome.

Any major life changes sort of have to be run by her or all hell tends to break loose. So one day, as she’s standing over him and forcing him to sign a bunch of crap he has to make himself read, Mark looks up at Natalie and casually asks, “Are you good with kids?”

Natalie freezes, bright eyes narrowing in a way he knows she’s picked up from him (he doesn’t mind. Sometimes Dustin jokes that Natalie’s like if Mark were hot, and sometimes nice, and like five inches shorter).

“What did you do?” she asks through gritted teeth. Mark rolls his eyes and opens his mouth to clarify, but she isn’t finished. “God, I thought you were like, 70% gay, anyway. How is 30% enough for to procreate with some poor unfortunate female?”

“Okay,” Mark says flatly, blinking slowly. “One: go fuck yourself, I didn’t do anything. Not really. Two: I don’t really think my sexuality works in percentages, how do you even calculate that? And three: 30% is plenty for me to do some procreating, in this hypothetical situation where percentages have anything to do with my sexuality.”

“Yeah, yeah,” Natalie sighs, shifting herself up onto his desk in a way that he would fire anyone else besides Dustin or Chris or Sean for. “You’re CEO, bitch, you’re a big stud, you’re packing, all the ladies and all the fellas want to hit that—”

“Never ask me for a reference letter,” Mark tells her. “Seriously, you’d wind up thrown out of the country over all the shit I’d talk, just don’t do it. And can you please remember that I’m your boss, and I asked you a question, and you should answer it?”

“I’m terrible with kids,” Natalie says, giving him a hard look. “Which means you should keep them away from me at all times, and also think twice about creating them, since you can’t even look after your own Neo-Pets without help from me.”

“Dustin is the one who made that account, I don’t even care—”

“Mark. Tell me you didn’t leave your gay monkhood long enough to spawn.”

Mark sighs. “I—I’ll get back to you on that.”

Natalie refuses to speak to him for the rest of the day, and Dustin ducks in later to thank him for whatever he did, because apparently an angry Natalie is an even hotter Natalie.

Mark’s mom has a fairly similar reaction to his casual inquiries about what she would do if she were to suddenly become a grandmother, though she’s much nicer about basically calling him an idiot. And ugh, how he hates being berated for things he technically hasn’t even done.

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