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The Social Network: the kink meme!

It's Complicated: But sexy!

zuckonitkinkeme zuckonitkinkeme wrote in tsn_kinkmeme
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sorry about the delay in getting this up! please put all new prompts here.




IMPORTANT: please DO NOT post prompts about any non-public people as part of a prompt. for example: randi zuckerberg is fine as she is a public figure both on the internet and on facebook itself. priscilla chan is NOT as she is not a public figure.

if you're in doubt, please message the mod or leave a comment in the discussion post.

♥ post requests and responses in the comments to this post.
♥ be respectful.
♥ both a pairing/character AND a prompt/kink must be posted.
♥ one pairing/prompt per comment please.
♥ you are encouraged to try and write a prompt for every request you make.
♥ we are slash, femslash, het, three-and-moresomes etc. friendly. (we are even incest friendly what with some of our characters being twins and all...)
♥ no pairing bashing, OK? no need to wank over ships.
♥ long and short fics welcome. multiple responses encouraged!
♥ please try to refrain from saying 'seconded!' as much as possible.
♥ on RPF: Please disclaim that it is RPF, a work of fiction and in no way related to the actual actors/persons/etc. (i wouldn't even try and discourage RPF from this meme ;))


♥ alphabetize pairings/threesomes/moresomes. (e.g. Eduardo/Mark/Sean etc.)
♥ put [RPF] before RPF prompts. (e.g. [RPF] Andrew/Jesse)
♥ for crossover prompts: "[Crossover], The Social Network Character(s)/Other Character(s), [Fandom]" (e.g. [Crossover], Eduardo/Columbus, [Zombieland])
♥ no "!" in pairings, only in descriptions. (e.g. Eduardo/Mark, FacebookCreator!Eduardo, CFO!Mark)
♥ anyone, everyone, no one? Use "Other." (e.g. Sean/Other)
♥ put [GEN] before GEN prompts.


♥ please don't embed. link to images/videos.
♥ no locked material. this includes communities, even if membership is open.
♥ fills can be posted anonymously or not.
♥ fills can be anything: fic, art, vid, fanmix, podfic, etc.
♥ all prompts are open to fills at all times, even if they have been filled in the past or are being currently filled by someone else. multiple fills are positively encouraged; if something appeals to you then do not be put off creating a new fill by the existence of a prior one.
NEW: ♥ PLEASE comment with the first of your fill to the PROMPT and then all future updates as a comment to the FIRST PART of the fill. this makes it easier for both the WIP spreadhseet and for archiving stuff on delicious. it also helps people who are trying to catch up on updates and don't have to look through every fill on the prompt (should it have more than one). thank you.






have fun!

THERE WILL BE UNMARKED SPOILERS. enter at your own risk! :D


i know you guys are enjoying this meme and i appreciate that but please can you put the SUBJECT HEADER on your prompt. you would REALLY be helping me out if you could do that. it just saves time for me when i'm trying to tag everything in delicious.

AND PLEASE, PLEASE, PLEASE DO NOT repost prompts from parts three, four, five or six over here again. the delicious is around for people to find prompts they may not have already seen. (prompts for parts one and two are now up for reposting.)



Eduardo/Mark, abducted-as-a-child!Eduardo

I'd love to see a story where it somehow comes out that when the Saverins left Brazil because of 'kidnapping threats' against their son, what they were really worried about was less someone actually managing to kidnap Eduardo and more someone noticing certain... irregularities. Like that fact that 'Eduardo Saverin' didn't even exist until he was three years old.

Maybe Mark's lawyers stumble over something during the depositions, prod at it, and suddenly, at a time when he already felt everything come down around him, Eduardo's life collapsed like a house of cards. The man whose approval, disapproval, and the resulting message of 'not good enough', internalised long ago, were the driving forces behind almost all of Eduardo's decisions is not his father. The woman who kept her distance and only ever touched him with a faint air of distaste until he himself wore miniature suits and tried to always be polite and neat and silent instead of loud and dirty like the other little boys is not his mother. Eduardo is not his name. And, as it turns out, that residence permit isn't his either. One moment he thought he had it all, the next he is put on a plane, a nobody without a name who has no one and nothing in his life. (But it's so fitting, isn't it, no one wanted him before, because they knew, or felt, and now he'll really be gone, it's as if he never existed. Which, in a way, he didn't.)

And Mark is left in Palo Alto, sitting in a room full of lawyers and expected to deal with the Winklevii when all he can see is that empty chair Wardo was led away from, and he can't figure out what he did that led to this.

Other characters welcome too!

Break - 1/?

er, here! i hope this is adequate! OH ANGST HOW I LOVE YOU.

When they tell him, he doesn't believe it.

Not Eduardo Saverin.

We don't know your name.

Eduardo Saverin doesn't exist.

But of course he exists, because who is he, if not Eduardo?

Mark's lawyers don't know how to respond to that, and he can only imagine Mark's face when he hears the news - overjoyed, perhaps? After all, this means Eduardo can't win the case, Mark doesn't lose any money.

Mark never cared when he was Eduardo, after all.

Why would he care now?


He paces.

Lawyers talk, he hears them but doesn't respond, doesn't take part.

They talk about kidnapping and law and he hears them and doesn't hear them.

What's he supposed to say?


Mark calls him, once. Leaves a message.

"Eduardo - you're - what's going on? My lawyers -"

He shuts off the phone after that. The message was for Eduardo Saverin, and who's he?

He doesn't care, anyway.

Of course he doesn't.


Mrs. Saverin calls him, too. He answers.


He cuts her off. "That's not my name, Mrs. Saverin."

She's quiet. "We did what we could."

He hangs up on her, deletes the number, ignores her repeated attempts to contact him.

Mr. Saverin doesn't try to talk to him, doesn't make any contact.


He sits in his room, and drinks, and ignores the world, lets it pass him by. He plans and he cancels plans and the depositions are on hold until this is all over.

He has nothing to do, nowhere to go.

He wants to do something but there's nothing to be done - he has to wait it out.

He hopes that's going to be enough.


Chris shows up at his house, pulls him into a hug. "You're always going to be Eduardo to me - Wardo. It doesn't matter."

He stands, still, and lets Chris touch him but makes no move in return. He feels itchy in his skin, jumpy, and he doesn't know what to do, how to act. It's as though everything's been sucked out of him. He has nothing left, because without his identity, what is he?

Everything's different, now.


When he was little, he was scared of his parents. Without that - without the blood relation - how is he supposed to function?

His father - Mr. Saverin - never gave a shit but he really doesn't care now, and why would he?

Eduardo is a failure - he's lost his identity, fucked up beyond belief.

There's no blood relation, no obligation.

He understands.


His mother is not his mother - the mother that made sure he was always dressed properly, that gave him a pat on the head when he did something right, that never yelled but always sulked. His father is not his father - the father that was never proud, that never cared, that never touched him, not once.

He is not Eduardo. He is not their son - they kidnapped him, ages ago, and they have no ties to him.

They don't care, and why should he?


He has no identity, now.


He gets sent out of the country. Deported, they say. Eduardo Saverin doesn't exist and this man is illegally in the country.

He's on a plane the next day.

Re: Break - 1/? - OP

Part of me is absolutely delighted at this, part of me is wibbling appropriately. The scene with Chris is just heartbreaking. I think the man previously known as Eduardo is still somewhat in shock, and sooner or later (I suspect sooner, seeing as he'll probably step off that plane into nothing, no name, no money, not even a place to sleep) he'll crash.

Re: Break - 1/?

yes yes yes

more please

Re: Break - 1/?

Fantastic and heartbreaking! Looking forward to what happens next.

Break - 2/?

eee, i'm glad everyone likes it! :) thank you!

He doesn't panic until he gets off of the plane.

Singapore is loud and dirty and he doesn't know what to do when faced with all of it.

He has nowhere to stay, nowhere to go. He doesn't even have a fucking name, not anymore.

And Eduardo Saverin doesn't hate people, doesn't have the time to hate them, but this man isn't Eduardo Saverin and he doesn't care.

He hates them, his "parents", and he hates Mark's lawyers for trying so fucking hard to incriminate him - and he hates Mark, so fucking much, for being Mark, for everything.

He breathes, and he looks up at the sky. He has some money in his pocket - a hundred dollars, maybe twenty more - and that's it.

He's alone.


When Mark hears the news, he can't breathe, because - what - Eduardo - Wardo - no -

And they tell him It's true, Mr. Zuckerberg, and we've contacted the government because he was here illegally and He was suing you and now he isn't - we've done what we should have.

But they don't get it, because Mark would have let himself get sued a thousand times over this, over Eduardo - Eduardo? - getting fucking deported, sent away - and he's in Singapore, now, and Mark has no way of getting in touch with him.

He doesn't know what to do and he feels like it's his fault and he can't breathe.

Eduardo is alone and Mark isn't, Mark has Facebook and friends and people that at least pretend to care - but Mark would give it up, he would, if it meant Eduardo were okay.

He knows Eduardo isn't okay, because he knows Eduardo, and a fucking name isn't going to change that.

(He'd give up Facebook for him, now.

The thought scares him, but it's not really that surprising, after all.

Don't make me choose, he used to say, and Eduardo didn't and now he's gone.)


Eduardo crashes at a cheap hotel, and the bed is lumpy and dirty but he doesn't care.


Mark throws himself into coding, doesn't get up for anything but the necessities.

It's sixty-five hours later when he finally stands up, dizzy, and he hasn't been thinking about Eduardo but he feels like he might have helped himself, a bit.

Now he needs to work on helping Eduardo.


He wakes up in the room, and he's frightened, heart hammering - and then he remembers, and the feeling doesn't go away and neither does the fear.

He wants to call someone - anyone - but who can he, half a continent away? Why should he?

All of these people - they know him as Eduardo Saverin, anyway, not this - this person without an identity.

He fingers his phone, opens it, and scrolls through his list of contacts.


Why does he still have Mark's number?

But even now, he can't bring himself to delete it.


Mark wants to call Eduardo, talk to him, but he won't - Eduardo was already livid with him and this, this wouldn't endear Mark to him at all.

But still - he wants, and he thinks about it, sometimes, thinks about what would have happened if he'd done something differently.

Is this regret? Mark's never felt it before, doesn't know how to deal with it.

He supposes it is.

He misses Eduardo.

Re: Break - 2/?

OP - I applaud Mark's realisation that he misses Eduardo and that, when it comes down to it, Eduardo is more important to him than Facebook. Now he just has to stop with the self-pity and contact him (which shouldn't be too difficult - he's Mark Zuckerberg, finding a nameless person who could be anywhere in the world shouldn't be too difficult), and convince Eduardo that he is someone, someone important, whom people care about (which... might take a lot of work).

And, oh, Eduardo! He (thinks he) has no friends, no money, no papers (and without those no above-board job or place to stay - his hotel must be a dump and his room neighbours are probably prostitutes and drug dealers).

Why Singapore though? Mh, maybe that's where the first registered proof of Eduardo Saverin's existence comes from, a plane from Singapore to Brazil, and so that is where he ended up being deported to. Yes, I can see that. Brazil shaking its head ans saying nu-uh, he might have come to the US from here, but he's not one of ours, we got him from Singapore, and while Eduardo is obviously not Asian, if the Saverins didn't cooperate and provide any information about his real family Singapore is as far as anyone can backtrack his origin.

Re: Break - 2/?

This is so fantastic I just might cry.
Absolutely refreshing! Love the story so far!

Re: Break - 2/?

ohhh this hurts T__T

Re: Break - 2/? - slippery_fish, 2011-10-18 01:17 pm (UTC)(Expand)

Break - 3/?

I'm so glad you guys like it. Thank you so much!

Mark can't code.

He tries and tries to make his fingers move, work, but he can't think, can't do anything if Wardo's not safe.

He doesn't know if Wardo's safe, and that's what's really scary.


Eduardo starts working at the hotel.

Under the table, of course, but he's personable enough and the staff turn a blind eye to his less-than-legal dealings.

There are long hours and short nights, but eventually he's going to be able to get out of here, or something like it.

At least, he hopes.


Mark sleeps in fitful bursts.

Wardo had a Facebook page, and now it's deleted, gone, and there's no one by that name, his computer tells him, and that hurts, it hurts too fucking much, and he slams his laptop shut, turns around, leans over.

He wants to help but he doesn't know how - this is every problem he can't solve and everything that's ever gone wrong with Facebook, but more, worth more, worth everything.

Wardo's worth everything.


Eduardo tries to call Mark, tries - hits the button, lets it get through two rings before hanging up, heart pounding.

He convinces himself that Mark would have called if he cared.

Because Mark's not one to shy away from that sort of thing, and he's not one to ignore his friends in their hour of need, and - well, Mark was friends with Wardo, once.

He doesn't need Mark, though.

Eduardo Saverin might have, but this man doesn't - he doesn't, he tells himself, sits on the lumpy mattress.

(He wants to go home.

He can't.

He closes his eyes.

This is my home.)


Facebook doesn't feel like Facebook without Wardo there, breathing next to Mark, and every time he does something he can hear it, Shit, that looks really good, and it hurts like a punch in the face, like not being punched by the Phoenix, like every smile Wardo never gave him, after everything.

His hands - he's been able to do anything with them, been able to hack his way into anything since he was little, but how do you find a person without a name, without an identity?

Mark looks at his phone.


It rings, once.

(He doesn't recognize the number.)


(He reaches for it.)

And then, nothing.

He wants it to have been Eduardo - but it wasn't, can't have been, and they're not important, nothing like that is important now.

He's alone.

Re: Break - 3/? - (Anonymous), 2011-10-18 09:54 pm (UTC)(Expand)
Re: Break - 3/? - summer_c0329, 2011-10-18 10:54 pm (UTC)(Expand)
Re: Break - 3/? - reject36, 2011-10-18 11:03 pm (UTC)(Expand)
Re: Break - 3/? - xbriyeon, 2011-10-19 02:55 am (UTC)(Expand)
Re: Break - 3/? - (Anonymous), 2011-10-19 05:04 am (UTC)(Expand)

Break - 4/?

oh my goodness, your comments are so, so wonderful. thank you all!

Dustin tries to talk to Mark.

He says things, things like You should try and Fix it, and Mark gives him glares that make him falter, stutter across his words.

Dustin doesn't get it - he's never fucking got it, never felt like this, not about anyone, not like Mark does. He's never had to deal with the person he might have fallen in love with being there one day and gone the next.

And it was his fault before, but that he could place blame on. He could punish himself, that way.

Now, he can't.

Now, he can only sit and hope that the Saverin's rot in hell.

It isn't enough. Of fucking course it isn't enough.

He closes his eyes.


Eduardo works, and he makes something like friends.

He begins to relax, a little, and moves out of the hotel, into an apartment that isn't much better, but feels more like home.

He deletes Mark's number, one night, and all calls he's made to him. He doesn't want to drag Mark into this if he doesn't need to.

(He doesn't need to.)

He misses them - Mark, but really all of them, they were the fucking Facebook four, of course he misses them - so potently it makes his chest constrict, sometimes, but he can't let himself give into that.

They don't care about him, he tells himself, and whether it's true or not doesn't really matter. He has to believe it, that's all.

(He doesn't believe it.)


Mark knows where Eduardo would go, of course.

Singapore, where he talked about on so many occasions, occasions he thought Mark wasn't listening.

Mark was always listening, that's the thing, Mark always listened to Wardo because how could he not? Even while he was coding, he was always listening to Eduardo's words, his stories, cataloging them.

He sits on the airline's page, finger hovered over the mouse, and abruptly stands up, leaves.

When he gets back, Chris is at his desk, and his face is pained.

"Eduardo?" he asks, voice weak.

Mark can only nod, ready for Chris to tell him this isn't his fucking business, Jesus, stay out of it, but he doesn't.

"Buy three tickets," Chris tells him, and something like a smile is on his face.

Chris hasn't smiled in a long time, at least not in front of Mark.

It's for that reason that he agrees.

"Okay," Mark says.

He buys them.

It doesn't feel like anything, but he knows it might be everything.

He hopes it is.

Re: Break - 4/? - summer_c0329, 2011-10-26 11:50 am (UTC)(Expand)
Re: Break - 4/? - (Anonymous), 2011-10-26 12:47 pm (UTC)(Expand)
Re: Break - 4/? - michmush, 2011-10-26 03:00 pm (UTC)(Expand)
Re: Break - 4/? - slippery_fish, 2011-10-26 03:08 pm (UTC)(Expand)

Break - 5/?

thank you to everyone who's left a comment since... this morning. (oh, boy, this story has sort of taken over my life.

here, have some more angst!

On the plane, they are silent.

Mark taps his fingers, drums them against the seat, lost without his laptop, without something to occupy himself with.

He taps out the code he might otherwise have typed, taps out a message to Eduardo.

I miss you.

And he's sorry, for everything, for the dilution and for this, for what his lawyers have done to his Wardo, strong even with lawyer up, asshole and tears in his eyes.

They've made him run.

(Mark fired his lawyers with a few well-chosen words.

They're not going to be talking to him any time soon.)


Eduardo lies on his bed.

He's losing the will to do things, to communicate.

What is he, without an identity? Who is he, now?

He lies, and he waits, and his thoughts tap in time with his heartbeat, one thought, over and over:

Mark. Mark. Mark.

He doesn't know if it's accusatory or nostalgic, only that he's thinking of Mark.

He wonders if Mark ever thinks of him.

He doubts it, and the doubt stings like point zero-three percent and the realization that I need you means different things to different people.

Mark doesn't need him.

Mark didn't need him when he was Eduardo and he certainly doesn't need him now, now that he's a shell of who he used to be.


Mark goes, alone. He leaves Chris and Dustin together, walks to the place he knows he lives, looks up.

He knows the apartment number, and it's only a few short flights of stairs until he's going to see Eduardo again, his Eduardo that might not be Eduardo anymore but is always, always going to have that spot in Mark's heart.

He climbs, and stands at the door, fist raised to knock.

He can't.

Instead, he pulls out his phone, and the numbers swim before his eyes, but he punches them in.

Inside the apartment, he hears a phone ring - and Mark's positive, now, knows that Eduardo is behind the door, and he can't breathe.

There's a click, and then, "Hello?", confused and tired.

Mark breathes, and says, "It's Mark," though he has a feeling Eduardo knows. "I'm outside your door," he says, and it feels like he's floating.

Eduardo sucks in a breath, hangs up.

For a terrifying moment, Mark thinks he might not ever forgive him, might not want to see him.

And then the door swings open, and there he is.

"Hi," Mark says, inarticulate like he's never been, and he smiles, helpless, because he's still alive and maybe there's time to fix things.

Eduardo's eyes widen, and he slams the door shut.

Mark stares.


He can't do this.

He can't deal with Mark, of all people, Mark who's never felt unsure in his skin, Mark who's always known who he was.

Mark, who knows him as Eduardo Saverin, the man that might have felt the same way, once upon a time.

Mark doesn't know this man, without a name, without an identity.

This man doesn't know who he is, and why should Mark have to be the one to figure that out?


Mark waits, and tries to knock again, but there's no answer, not a sound.

"I'm sorry," he calls through the door, waits another long moment, and leaves, heart pounding.

Chris and Dustin don't ask how it went when they see him.

Re: Break - 5/? - summer_c0329, 2011-10-26 06:24 pm (UTC)(Expand)
Re: Break - 5/? - (Anonymous), 2011-10-27 07:28 am (UTC)(Expand)
Re: Break - 5/? - xbriyeon, 2011-10-27 01:50 pm (UTC)(Expand)
Re: Break - 5/? - (Anonymous), 2011-11-15 06:06 pm (UTC)(Expand)
author!anon - (Anonymous), 2011-11-15 06:14 pm (UTC)(Expand)
Re: author!anon - summer_c0329, 2011-12-14 10:50 am (UTC)(Expand)

Break - 6/?

please don't kill me for the lack of posting, i'm sorry! i am continuing this, i promise, i WILL finish it, i just got side-tracked by life. sigh.

He sends another text to Eduardo, the next day.

I just want to see you.

He sets his phone down and brings up the little work that he brought with him, and tries to focus, tries not to think about Eduardo.

(He'll always be Eduardo, to Mark. He knows Eduardo better than he knows himself some days and a fucking piece of paper, a legal name, isn't going to change that. Nothing can.)

By midday, there's no response and Mark can't handle the itchiness under his skin.

He's finished all of his work and he doesn't have anything else to do, so he turns to Dustin.

"Distract me," he says, because Dustin's always been the one to distract him when he needed it, to get just what it was that Mark needed.

And now he looks at him, and Mark sees the emotions playing across his face before he smiles. It isn't genuine, but it's enough.

"I brought cards?" he says, and his face scrunches up.

Mark feels his usual answer - fuck you - well up under his skin, more so now that he's worried, but he looks, really looks at Dustin's face and he can't get angry at him.

"All right," he says, and he wonders if he isn't helping Dustin as much as Dustin is helping him.


Later, he gets a response.

All right.

There's an address below and Mark stands up, quick. His hands are shaking.

Dustin frowns, and looks at him properly. "Are you all right, Mark?"

He nods, shakes his head, closes his eyes because he doesn't know what to do, now. "Wardo - Eduardo - he responded. He - I've got to go meet him."

"By yourself?" Dustin asks.

"Yeah," Mark says, and it's only when he looks up that he sees the hurt flash across his face.

He swallows, thick, and shakes his head. "I - I promise I'll talk to him about seeing you guys. I just - I need to see him, I can't -"

Dustin's waving a hand before he can finish. "I get it." He pauses. "But you weren't the only one who cared about him, okay, Mark?"

Mark nods, and leaves.


Eduardo looks the same.

He looks the same and different - tired, now, and in the dimming light Mark can see what he couldn't in the hotel.

He sits down across from him and they look at each other for a long moment.

Eduardo's jaw clenches and his fingers drum on the table. "So you wanted to see me." His voice is toneless.

Mark nods. "I just - Eduardo -"

"That's not my name." It's spit out, dark, and Mark can feel the hurt rolling off of him in waves.

"Of course it is," Mark says. "Even if that's not who you were born, it doesn't change that's who you are."

Eduardo's eyes are shut and he's shaking his head, quick, hand clenching around the table.

Mark reaches over, places his hand on top of Eduardo's. "You're the same person," he says, soft.

Eduardo's eyes open wide. "You're not - hurting me."

Mark frowns. "Why would I be?"

"I don't - I mean - you're not trying to - exploit this."

"Why would I?" Mark asks.

"Because you cut me out." This, too, is toneless.

Mark feels the breath go out of him. "I -" he starts, but he can't finish.

Eduardo smiles, something almost cruel. "Yeah, that's what I thought." He stands up. "It was nice seeing you, Mark. Really. But -"

"You have to see Chris and Dustin," Mark says, in a rush. He's staring at the talbe, afraid to look up and see hate in Eduardo's eyes.

He hears a sharp intake of breath. "They know where I am?"

"Of course they do," and Mark shrugs. "They wouldn't let me here by myself. Worried I'd hurt someone, I think."

"Why would you hurt someone?" Eduardo asks.

Mark smirks, but it's soft at the edges. "Why do you think?"

The dilution - that wasn't about Wardo, not about him at all. It was about Mark, and Facebook, but not Wardo.

He needs him to understand that.

He cares about him, still, so much that he can't stand it.

"I'll see them," Eduardo says, finally, and he's still standing. "Tell them to get in touch."

And he leaves.

Re: Break - 6/? - (Anonymous), 2012-01-04 05:53 pm (UTC)(Expand)
Re: Break - 6/? - xbriyeon, 2012-01-04 11:23 pm (UTC)(Expand)
Re: Break - 6/? - (Anonymous), 2012-01-05 04:40 pm (UTC)(Expand)
Re: Break - 6/? - summer_c0329, 2012-01-29 09:44 pm (UTC)(Expand)

Break - 7/?

oop, went another month without an update. i'm sorry! /is bad at WIPs.

but I have ideas for where to take this, now, so there will be MORE TO COME SOON I PROMISE.

thank you all for your lovely comments, they mean so much to me. :D


Mark tells Chris and Dustin.

“You can see him,” he says, and if his voice is rough, broken – well, what else can he do? He isn’t going to make them think he’s okay; he knows they wouldn’t believe it, anyway.

They go to see him and Mark’s left alone in his hotel room.

(“Tell him I’m sorry,” he says to Dustin, just before they leave, and Dustin wraps him in a hug that makes his lungs feel compressed, like there isn’t enough air.

He lets go and Dustin puts a hand on the side of his face, kisses him on the forehead, once, a quick press of lips.

“It’ll be okay,” he says, whispers, and Mark’s not one for falsehoods but he wants to believe that.)

Mark goes to Facebook, tweaks with the code – and he thinks, sudden and hot, what if I deleted everything.

He shakes his head, slams his laptop shut, but –

Wardo would forgive me then and he would be Wardo and if not for Facebook if not for that none of this would have happened and Wardo would be Wardo -

His thoughts repeat on a loop, over and over, and he can feel himself shaking without really feeling it; he feels his fingers trembling on the bed, on his legs, and he gets up, paces back and forth backandforth until he’s spinning in circles, and his eyes are pressed shut tight and he can’t deal with this with any of it he can’t deal can’t deal -

He swallows, and it’s thick, heavy in the back of his throat.

He misses him, that’s true, but more than that he wants his Wardo to be okay – he wants him to smile, again.

(He hopes he’s smiling, with Chris and Dustin, though he knows that’s probably not true.

He hopes, though, because they’re the only ones who he would smile at, with – their lawyers didn’t out this and they didn’t shove him out of the company.

And – even now, even in all of this, he can’t make himself wish that he hadn’t done it – more quietly, perhaps, but Eduardo wasn’t right –

And he feels guilt, and shame, wash up and crash over him, until he’s drowning in it, until he can’t do anything but sit on the edge of the bed and tear at his hair, eyes shut tight against this, against the hurt welling up inside of him.

“Wardo,” he whispers, and it comes out as more of a whimper.

He doesn’t know what to do if he doesn’t have him; for years it’s been Wardo making sure he’s okay, that he’s not going to get hurt, and now he doesn’t know how to make sure of the same thing – because he doesn’t care, doesn’t have anything to be okay for.

“Please,” he whimpers out, the only sound in the empty room (they’ve been gone for hours what are they doing is he all right), and his eyes shut.

Break - 8/?

They get back, and they find him like that.

Mark’s curled in on himself, lying on the bed, and his hands are clenched together, a single point, hard enough to hurt.

Dustin lets out a noise and sits on the bed, pulling Mark’s head into his lap, stroking his hair.

Mark shakes his head but Dustin refuses to let go, and after a moment he lets himself relax a bit, eyes shut.

“How was he?” he asks, and his voice is cracked from disuse.

He feels Dustin swallow above him. “In what sense?”

“In every sense,” and he’s so tired – he’s too tired for this, now. “Please. Just tell me.”

“He’s – sad. He’s worried. He doesn’t know what he’s doing with himself.” This is careful, guarded. “He doesn’t know how he’s supposed to go on – that’s what he said. He – misses his old life.”

And there it is, another crashing of pain – because that’s Mark’s fault. Mark did that, Mark made him scared and lonely – and if he had insisted – they wouldn’t have –

He shakes his head, thoughts too jumbled to fully formulate. “Is he still staying at the hotel?”

“He’s looking for somewhere new to live.”

Mark nods.

Chris sits down, too, near Mark’s feet; he can feel the dip of the bed and he shouldn’t be able to feel that, shouldn’t be able to feel anything. He doesn’t deserve that.

“He doesn’t hate you,” Chris says, voice low. “He doesn’t blame you – not really.”

“Did he say that?” Mark asks, voice intended to be sharp but just coming out weak. “Did he say that I’m not to blame?”

“Not in so many words.”

Mark half-scoffs, but he’s too drained even for that. “I’m guessing you just read his mind or something like that?”

Chris frowns. “Mark. I wouldn’t lie to you.”

Mark keeps his eyes closed.

He’s too tired for this.


Eduardo sits in his hotel room.

It’s dingy and dirty and he doesn’t know what to do – because Chris said Mark needs you like you need him and We love you and that’s too much, too fast – because how can they love him when he doesn’t know who he is, anymore? When he’s not sure how he’s going to live his life – when he’s not the person he’s always thought he was?

Names aren’t important, that’s what he’s always said – but this isn’t just a name, this is his life, this is Eduardo Saverin who was going to graduate Harvard, be a businessman, just like his father – his father who isn’t his father, who never was his father, who never gave a shit when he thought he was but he isn’t, isn’t.

And Mark – Mark says he still cares, says but might not mean; and Eduardo’s not going to let himself get hurt again, not going to let Mark fuck him up, further than he already is.

He takes out his phone and spins it around in his fingers, staring at it.

He could call.

He has it open.

He dials the number, pressing each digit hard, firm.

He snaps it shut before he can hit Send because he wants to talk to Mark, he wants but he can’t unless he’s okay, unless he’s going to be okay, unless his voice isn’t going to break.

He closes his eyes and tosses it across the room. He hears it land, hears a crack but he doesn’t care, not now.

Eventually, he sleeps.

Re: Break - 8/? - xbriyeon, 2012-02-23 06:47 pm (UTC)(Expand)
Re: Break - 8/? - summer_c0329, 2012-02-23 11:38 pm (UTC)(Expand)
Re: Break - 8/? - skyearth85, 2012-03-01 06:45 pm (UTC)(Expand)